Only love remains

22nd July 2010

This is the time of year when people move on and things change. It is the end of term, and those who are leaving school will move on either to another school or college and that can be difficult for some. There are members of staff who retire or change their jobs, and in our school there is the chaplain who has decided that she (yes, we have a young lady who has the name "school chaplain" as her title) should move on and start a different career.

Tuesday morning mass at 8am is one in which we invite our students at school to come to mass, and a solid core of about 10 have been there regularly over the last year. Teachers come too, and also our chaplain. Last Tuesday the young altar server asked me if she could say a word after mass to thank our chaplain Gemma for supporting her and the students in the school and wish her God speed in her new job; after Holy Communion she did just that. It was an emotional moment because the pupils and staff are very sorry to see Gemma go, even if objectively it is the right thing. This all made me reflect.

It is hard For priests to leave a parish, just as in many cases for parishioners it is hard to lose their priest. He has often become a part of the parishioners’ lives, part of their families through his ministry. When asked "what is it like to be a priest on a parish", the response I give is that it could not lead to better "job satisfaction" because you become a trusted member of so many different families. That is as long as a priest has a small amount of love and giving in him and an interest in people. It is such a privilege to be invited to be so fully trusted, almost a member of the family.

It all ends when things change and moves happen and that can be a strong emotional experience of loss and little gain. It is true also for teachers who leave schools and those who leave friends and neighbours as circumstances take them away to new places. What remains of all the time that people have shared each others’ lives? The events and happenings do not remain: they may be happy or unhappy memories but they cannot return. Nothing remains except the love that has gone into the days lived together.

Faced with these young people at that Tuesday morning mass I felt suddenly quite incapable of explaining to them the special nature of Christian Love. It is quite different to the love that we hear proclaimed in so many songs or expounded in the newspapers or in novels or TV plays. How are you able to go beyond the mundane to the genuine article of a really satisfying experience of loving? Especially as I have seen young people, older than the ones in front of me in the chapel last Tuesday morning, who are aimless and bored, into drugs, sitting cabbage like in front of Television or computer with seemingly little purpose in life. Jesus was on this earth and has given each person the chance to find out the meaning and purpose of his life. It is all to do with "love" and yet how hard it is to share what this really means. The saying is true: "Love does make the world go round".

What is love? For some people love and sex are completely entwined. How then did Jesus love? Had he failed in love, a person who chose not to have a personal intimate relationship with another human being? I know a man who thinks that anyone who is consecrated to God by vows of celibacy has repudiated love.

Everyone wants both to love and be loved. Yet it is not something that you can keep and preserve. It is a bit like water: if you try to grab it the liquid runs between your fingers and goes.

Love necessarily includes relationship. I think it would be true to say that the relationship of Jesus and Mary his mother was the strongest human relationship that has ever existed in this world. Since Mary, Jesus’ mother is considered to be the "type" or the "model" of the Church, and the Church is the spouse of Christ, Mary must not only be the mother of Jesus but also his spouse. Given that Jesus is God made man, Mary is immaculate and made worthy to be the mother of God, a short reflection makes a person realise the uniqueness of their relationship. Their parting must have been very hard, especially in the circumstances of the crucifixion where it happened.

John and Mary at the foot of the cross

During his time on the cross Jesus seemed to have said to his mother "I am no longer your son" because in St. John’s Gospel, from the cross Jesus saw his mother the disciple whom he loved standing next to her and said "Woman, this is your Son". Turning then to the disciple he said, "Here is your Mother". And from that hour the disciple took her into his own home. (John 19: 26-27) That must have been an agony for Mary his mother, precisely as his mother.

One day Jesus was speaking to the crowds and his mother and brothers appeared, standing outside, anxious to have a word with him. A man came to Jesus to tell him, and Jesus said to him "Who is my mother? Who are my brothers?" Stretching out his hand to his disciples he said, "Here are my mother, and my brothers. Anyone who does the will of my Father in heaven, he is my brother, and sister and mother". (Mt. 12: 47-50)

Your mother and brothers are here

On the surface what an extraordinary thing Jesus said about the one with whom he had such a strong relationship. It is amazing to think that Jesus found those who were his disciples and did God’s will were also in relation to himself like a mother or a brother; i.e. people who make him feel good, loved and wanted. He too gave others that sense else why did they leave everything to follow him? Our Lord it is said did not cling to his equality with God, but emptied himself to become human. (cf Phil 2; 6-8). It seems that he also did not cling to his relationship with his mother, but quite deliberately left home and family to begin a new adventure with others who would follow him and become another kind of family. This was the prototype of the Church that would later be formed by his disciples. At the same time he never forgot his mother Mary, and she never forgot her son Jesus, but they went about in their own way their Fathers’ business for them.

I read a meditation linked with this thought recently. It runs:

Whoever follows Jesus does not do so in order to live in a particular place (like a presbytery or religious house)…Whoever follows Jesus follows God and therefore has no place except in God himself.

If on the one hand this might seem negative, a renunciation of everything, on the other hand it can also be viewed in a positive sense. Every place in the world, all the houses in the world, become ours, because the Son of Man is master of the universe and his home cannot just be a little house in a little town.

Whoever follows Jesus finds his home everywhere, finds his town everywhere, and similarly finds his family and his homeland everywhere.

This is an overwhelming aspect of a vocation; we do not follow Jesus in a particular place, in a particular house; we follow Jesus in order to be his children and his brothers and sisters throughout the whole universe.

This thought may be able to throw light onto what Love is: probably the words will help us to understand if we have experience personally of what it speaks.

Let us remain open to God teaching us by his Holy Spirit what true Christian Love really is. It is this Love that in the midst of our tears will assuage sadness at parting and make sense of all the difficulties we will face in life.

St. Augustine lived in the third and fourth centuries and died in the year 330 AD. The extent of his writings was vast, so much so that his many books, today, make up 46 thick volumes in their English translations. When I say ‘ writings’ , they were not all written by him, in the actual sense, as he dictated his books to ‘stenographers’, often keeping a particular book in his head for many years, as he dictated. In addition, he was constantly writing sermons, letters and dealing with multitudinous issues, as the Bishop of a very large diocese, at Hippo, in North Africa. His ‘stenographers’ were scribes, who, in those days, had to write on tablets – all quite heavy and coated with wax – later to be transcribed again onto parchment.  So Augustine, on his journeys, in his study – or wherever – would have scribes working away on what he was dictating. Reportedly, it took 20 years to write one of his greatest books, "The City of God" – its pages all there, assembled inside his head – and unravelling, one by one, all in perfect order as he dictated. Today, although we know a great deal about him from his writings, it is very difficult to gain any real idea of the essential genius of this great man, and how he achieved so much.

(Probably the earliest) portrait of St. Augustine of Hippo

One of my friends – an intelligent man – has definitive views about St. Augustine of Hippo. A lapsed Catholic, and one who considers himself an Atheist, he has never found the Catholic teaching on chastity to his liking, and is of the opinion that St. Augustine is the cause of all the bad teaching, within the Church, on the subject of sex.  He thinks that the guilt, carried by Catholics deep in their hearts concerning sexual morality, has its roots in St. Augustine’s strict moral teaching.

Within my own experience, circumstances have, from time to time, led me to meet up with many Augustinians. I have one friend in Spain who is of the Augustinian order, and likewise, his sister. She belongs to a semi-enclosed Augustinian convent at Huelva, a town in southern Spain. He, Fr. Manolo Morales on the other hand is like most Augustinian priests involved in active pastoral work. Both of them, it must be said, radiate a wonderful sense and presence of joy!  

The Augustinian community of Huelva July 2001

(Fr. Manolo is 4th from left – back row)

Some years ago, I was with them, in their convent, on 28th August, the feast of St. Augustine, and my friend, the priest-brother was proud to introduce me to his sister and her companions. We had a most wonderful celebration of the feast, in the courtyard of the convent, and I well remember the joyful atmosphere, enhanced considerably, when the younger sisters performed some traditional Spanish dancing, to a guitar played by one of the sisters.  I will never forget, the beautiful singing and the evident joy among the sisters – an atmosphere of true happiness reflecting the life-style of the community and one that led, in those days, almost inevitably to the desires of a number of young girls to join them.  

As far as I am aware, that is still the case.  I was with a group of men in religious life, on holiday near Huelva,  and Fr. Manolo, the Augustinian priest, although not well physically, but spiritually alert and ‘playful’, used to walk up and down the beach with a very ‘well-thumbed’ copy of St. Augustine’s ‘Confessions’. He told me he never tired of reading the book, that is the first-ever biography, historically, in which a person reflects on his own feelings about God, and on his own feelings about life, personally.  I will always remember Fr. Manolo’s humorous stories, and the way he related to all of us who were with him on that holiday. His persona, his manner, his outlook and life-style, his character – all of this and more – ‘shouted’ to all and sundry, that this was, certainly, not the outward-expression of somebody ‘riddled’ with guilt about sin.

But, to return to St. Augustine, often in our breviary readings we have extracts from his writings – very often from his sermons. One such extract occurred on Sunday 4th July, and its content was very meaningful to me. It was concerning sinfulness, and in it Augustine refers to the famous psalm, often called "The Miserere", (Psalm 50 or 51) which begins, in the grail translation: "Have mercy on me God in your kindness, in your compassion blot out my offence." This psalm is allegedly written by King David after his adultery with Bathsheba, and his murder of her husband Uriah, the Hittite.

What follows is an extract of the Roman breviary for 4th July, this year, taken from St. Augustine’s writings:

"’I acknowledge my transgression,' says David. If I acknowledge it, then pardon me, O God. We must not assume at all that we are living good lives, free from sin. Let a man's life be praised in so far as he asks for pardon. But as for men without hope, the less attentive they are to their own sins, the more they pry into those of others. They seek, not what they can correct, but what they can criticize. And as they cannot excuse themselves, they are ready to accuse others."

This extract reminds me so very much of articles that appear in our newspapers, concerning the bad behaviour of so many people, strongly criticized in this very public way, by the media. This kind of writing – ‘gutter press’ if you like – fails to bring hope to peoples' lives.   On the contrary, it can, and often does, destroy lives. The passage in the Gospel comes to mind: "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone", … .. and one by one those who were about to stone the woman, taken in adultery, slunk away, until only the woman was left with Jesus.

One English Sunday newspaper springs readily to mind.  To me, it appears to be very hypocritical: on one page it seems to rejoice in displaying all kinds of half-naked people (or worse), in writing about peoples' affairs and so forth, and then on another page it will delight in openly writing about some scandal involving a person in a high position – its tone usually sexual – and with a distinct air of self-righteous justification.  Some may say ‘indignation’!

Augustine goes on in his sermon:

"… … as they cannot excuse themselves, they are ready to accuse others. This was not the way that David showed us how to pray and make reparation to God when he said: 'I acknowledge my transgression, and my sin is always before me.'  David was not interested in other men's sins."

Rather, I think it ought to be that, within this practical attitude to life, lies the root of real joy and hope – the joy of being forgiven, totally, by the all merciful God. When somebody says he is not a sinner he is making God to be a liar according to the scriptures (cf 1 John 1,10); in other words that person is the liar. We are all sinners – excepting Jesus and his Mother – every last one of us, even the saints. Yet you never see a sad saint, as that would be a contradiction in terms. However difficult life is there is always a chance for joy when there is union with God, and in Him, union with others.

Returning to my friend and his attitude to St. Augustine, I have to say: no, I do not think St. Augustine is the reason for an unhealthy view about sex in our world. Personally, I would be much more inclined to think that if we have an unhealthy view of this subject it is much more to do with our inability to rest in the goodness of God, aware that we are all forgiven sinners, and that all too often we are far more interested in the misdemeanours of others, at the expense of a critical examination of self.  Above all this, surely, it is far better to focus on the joy of God's infinite and daily love for each one of us, personally, remembering as the scripture says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12)."

Extreme Unction – by Rogier Van der Weyden

‘Extreme Unction’ was the title given to the ‘Sacrament of the Sick’, until the Vatican Council re-christened it, on the grounds that it was available to all baptised Catholics who were seriously ill, or suffering from the affects of old age, and not only those who were at the point of death.  The sacred anointing of the sick was instituted by Christ Our Lord, and it is mentioned by St. Mark, when he describes Jesus' instructions for the mission of the Twelve: "So they set off to preach repentance; they cast out many devils, and anointed many sick people with oil and cured them." (Mk: 6: 12-13).  We find a mention of it, also, in St. James's Letter: "If one of you is ill he should send for the elders of the church, and they must anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord and pray over him. The prayer of faith will save the sick man and the Lord will raise him up again and if he has committed any sins, he will be forgiven." (James: 5:14-16)

I can remember, many times, being called to someone who was ill, in the night, when I was at St. Peter's, Seel Streeet, Liverpool in the `1950's, and hearing the Dockers, standing outside the pub saying: "Look, Priest." The accent was on the word ‘priest’, implying: "Someone's had it!" (or someone had not much longer in this world). In those days, when people saw the priest going to the tenements, they would assume he had the Blessed Sacrament with him, and they wouldn't expect him to talk to them.

When administering the ‘Sacrament of the Sick’, the priest begins with a short introduction, ending with these words: "Let us entrust our sick brother/sister to the grace and power of Jesus Christ, that the Lord may ease his/her sufferings and grant him/her health and salvation." He then invites the sick person to make his/her confession or make an act of sorrow and gives absolution.  Then, in silence, the priest lays his hands on the head of the sick person and prays over him/her, in the faith of the Church. This action is used also in Baptism, Reconciliation and Confirmation; it signifies blessing and healing and follows the instructions given by Jesus, that the Apostles, "… .. should lay their hands on the sick and they will be healed."

The priest then anoints the sick person on the head, and on the palm of the hands, with the words: "Through this holy anointing may the Lord, in his love and mercy, help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees you from sin, save you and raise you up."

Those of us who have experienced this sacrament at first hand, ether by receiving it ourselves or by being present when someone we are looking after receives it, will have experienced some of the many effects of this amazing sacrament. The first grace of this sacrament is one of strengthening –  peace and courage – given to the sick person, to overcome the difficulties that go with the condition of serious illness, or the frailty of old age!  (I could write a book about that – old age, I mean!)  This grace is a gift of the Holy Spirit, who renews trust and faith in God and strengthens the sick person, against the temptation of discouragement, and anguish in the face of death. His gift of grace is meant to lead the sick person to healing of the soul, but also, to the healing of the body, if that is God's will.

By the grace of this sacrament, the sick person receives the strength and the gift of uniting himself more closely to Christ's Passion, thus taking a real share in the saving work of Jesus.  In addition to the anointing, the Church offers those who are about to leave this life, the Eucharist as Viaticum — a passing over – from death to life – from this world to the Father.

All this puts me in mind of one very special occasion. I remember the time when one of the senior members of a Parish family was nearing death, after a long and drawn-out sickness, and the whole family was gathered in the sick room.  I offered Mass for him, and the whole family present were all able to receive Holy Communion and join in the responses for the Anointing and Viaticum. Granddad – the patient – was conscious throughout, and the effect of the joint family prayer gave him great joy and peace.

It happens sometimes that people are reluctant to call the priest, largely because they fear that the sick person may begin to think he is more ill than he had, at first, thought. Priests are trained to handle the situation with great tact. If in doubt, you should explain that the patient is of a nervous disposition and the priest will act accordingly.

For myself, I keep the Holy Oils in the car because one never knows what one may come across when visiting people. I have often used them in the school, when a pupil comes to see me in great distress, either about themselves, or about the family. When that seems to be appropriate, I explain all about the Sacrament and tell them to go and think about it, and if they decide they would then like to receive it, to come back and let me know.  On the occasions when they have come back to me,  I have been impressed by their attitude, and even more, by the results.

The longer I live — especially in my contacts with teenagers – the more I realise what problems they have to face, quite apart from the inevitable ones of growing up. Most often, they are searching for someone willing to listen, and accept them as they are; only then, are they prepared to listen to advice, consider it carefully, and eventually to accept it – in all probability. They long to find someone who will always be there for them – someone who will be a ‘rock’ for them. What we have to remember, is well written in that excellent book, ‘The Little Prince’ where the author makes the point: "You become responsible forever, for what you have tamed — It is only with the heart that you can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

Father Theo